Finding your people


I will never forget the episode of Grey’s Anatomy when Christina calls Meredith “her person.” From this moment forward, I was on a quest to find “my person.” In my mind, the perfect person was out there, I had a mental checklist of what she would be like as a friend. The problem with this notion is that there really is no such thing as the perfect person, and, once again, TV set me up for a false reality.

Lately I have realized that you should not have “your person” but rather “your people.” Having just one person will either fail you or drive you to insanity. I find so much more value in having a wide range of people to go to for certain situations. Each of my friends is uniquely valuable, they all serve separate functions in my life and come together beautifully to give me the support, affection, and laughs that I need to survive.

I have friends who make me laugh when I need it, friends who set me straight when I really need it, friends to talk to about guys, friends to talk to about faith, music, and everything in between. While there is some overlap, there is no one “mega friend” that checks all the boxes. Likewise, my friends have other people they turn to when I cannot fix what they need fixed or answer what they need answered. This is not a negative reflection of our relationship, it is just understanding that people need relationships all over the place.

It took me a while to understand that I cannot be everything to every one of my friends. I used to be offended when I was not the first person everyone turned to when they needed something.

Sometimes this idea translates into feeling unwanted or not needed. While you may not be exactly what they want in that instance, trust me, they need you.

When I need help on a deeper, spiritual level, I call my friend from home. She has always been my go-to for this. When I need blunt honesty about myself, my suite mate is there for me. When I need a good laugh or hug, I know my roommate will be there in an instant. If I just want to sit on the couch and watch Jimmy Fallon YouTube videos, I have someone for that too.

If one person cannot be everything to you it does not mean they are not a great friend or vice versa. The point is, do not fixate on having one person butfocus on filling your life with great, encouraging people.