Insight on being a student-mom

Motherhood is often considered to be one of the toughest, yet most rewarding parts of a female’s life. Raising a child comes with its ups and downs, bringing new surprises along the way. Mixing that with the “on-the-go” lifestyle of a student creates a tough balancing act. Some of the mothers at the University of San Diego discussed their struggles being both a student and a mother.

Senior Paris Lowe, mother to a five-month-old baby girl, thinks that the stigma surrounding young pregnancy was the hardest part.

“I feel like everyone would just stare at you,” Lowe said. “You don’t see a lot of pregnancy on USD’s campus. Once the baby’s here everyone’s asking about them, but when I was pregnant I definitely felt there was a stigma. The health center didn’t even know what to do. They said, ‘Sorry I haven’t dealt with something like this in years,’ so they have nobody well versed in pregnancy. Which is difficult, because then I have to go off campus for all my appointments during pregnancy.”

USD’s Student Health Center states on their website that discrete pregnancy tests, parental counseling, and help with general health concerns are available, but the center has to provide referrals for obstetrical care.

Lowe isn’t alone in feeling like she was treated differently on campus throughout her pregnancy. Senior Tiasha Rogers, mother to an eight-month-old son, agreed that being a younger mother changed the way her peers perceived her.

“Especially being a young black mother, I felt it,” Rogers said. “People on campus assume a lot. They automatically assume I’m a single mother when I’m not. It’s funny to me, but it’s really sad. I also feel like I get counted out often. They assume because I’m a mother I will not be able to participate in certain things, which isn’t true.”

Rogers indicated she felt comfortable bringing her son everywhere on campus: to football games, classes, seminars — any place he is allowed in. She even brought him to meet President Harris at his annual Christmas Party last year.

“I’m lucky I have such a good baby,” Rogers said. “It’s not hard to bring him class.”

It may be easy to assume that having a baby while still being an undergraduate would take a toll on one’s academic life — but Rogers doesn’t let it.

“I’m still capable of doing the things I did before he was born,” Rogers said. “I took a lot of leadership roles postpartum. I’m taking 18 units, I’m graduating in May still, and last semester I got all A’s, which are the best grades I’ve gotten the entire time I was at USD. I feel like I was really able to overcome all the adversity and proved myself.”

Student mothers themselves aren’t the only ones who are aware of this prejudice. Junior Kaylynn Wilkes does not have children herself, but acknowledged the difficulty that comes with raising a child while being a student. She spotted judgmental behavior from her fellow students toward these younger moms.

“People are like, ‘What the heck are they doing, they’re only 20,’” Wilkes said. “They kind of have this idea you can’t have a family and school at once. They have this idea that it has to go school, then career, then family.”

USD offers various resources such as lactation spaces in Mother Rosalie Hill Hall equipped with chairs, plugs, and other necessities that can be reserved for breastfeeding or pumping mothers. The Women’s Center as well as Student Support Services (SSS) are available to assist with emotional support when they can. There is also the Manchester Child Development Center, located next to the Manchester Village Apartments, which acts as a daycare for the children of students and faculty.

Manchester Child Development Center is currently open to the public, but there is no discount. Lowe and Rogers are both grateful for these resources, but raise a few concerns over the accessibility of them.

“I didn’t know about most of them until I was pregnant,” Lowe said. “You have to seek them out for yourself, for sure. I started with Student Support Services and they referred me to the Title IX coordinator for help with professors and classes, financial aid for help with paying for school, and the Women’s Center for volunteer babysitters.”

Lowe also mentioned the USD Office of Financial Aid’s willingness to help her find housing on campus.

As a non-mother, Wilkes commented on her lack of knowledge for support for mothers on campus.

“I’m not aware of any resources for mothers except the daycare,” Wilkes said. “So if I were to get pregnant, I wouldn’t even know where to start looking. I would feel so lost.”

Both Rogers and Lowe wish there were a more extensive support system for mothers on campus. But Rogers also shared her appreciation for her current support system.

“It’s always nice to have mom friends, especially in your peer group, to have that kind of support,” Rogers said. “One of my advisors, Ophelia Augustine, was a student-mother and an alumni of USD and she is hoping to set up a network of them.”

One of the difficulties Rogers faces being a student-mother is the lack of empathy she receives from some professors.

“It’s really stressful when I have a professor who doesn’t understand, especially when I also have a husband who’s active duty,” Rogers said. “So sometimes I can’t be flexible going to certain meetings unless he (her son) can come along with me.”

They also vocalized their concerns about the childcare on campus and how expensive it is. The Manchester Child Development Center’s monthly full-day attendance, Monday through Friday, is $1,271 per child. There are discounts for faculty and students; however, students receiving tuition remission do not qualify for the student rates. Other childcare facilities in the San Diego Area range from $760 to $900 per month.

When student-mothers have infant, finding a safe place for them to go can be difficult. Manchester does not accept children younger than the age of two years old into their program.

“It would be nice to have adequate child care, no matter the age of the child, so you can continue to thrive on campus without that conscious awareness and worry about if your baby is okay,” Rogers said. “It would be really nice to know your baby is in good hands.”

Lowe echoed this sentiment, in that she wishes there were more resources to help young mothers find daycare options.

While Rogers has different responsibilities than most undergraduates, she has kept a positive outlook and has been able to keep her focus.

“The goal does not change, the plan just does,” Rogers said. “He’s (her son) along for the ride now and I’m really trying to make sure he’s a part of the journey with me, so he never has to worry about whether he was a burden for me during my undergraduate experience.”

With limited resources, money, and time, it can be difficult to be a student-mother on campus. While there are some resources on campus, the hope is that USD improves their commitment to helping these women who choose to continue on their educational path. Despite these hardships, the consensus is they their children have changed their world.