Keep Halloween costumes classy and creative

Jillian Anthony / Staff Writer / The USD Vista

Dear Jilla:
I want this Halloween to be the best year ever! What are some great costume ideas?

First, I’d like to welcome everyone back to Dear Jilla. Email me your burning advice questions at janthony@usdvista.com.

Next, on to the costume ideas! My idea of a good Halloween costume is a whole lot of funny and a little bit of cross-dressing. The girls currently reading this, probably about 86 percent of you, will want to stop reading, because nothing here will be as revealing or sexy as you want it to be. Sorry to all those planning on being a nurse or one of those costumes made of two small pieces of fabric labeled such things as “school girl” or “aerobic instructor.” Classy.

No, the costumes that most impress me are ones that are hilarious, fresh, original and daring. Full-bodied zebras, you are innovators amongst the herd. Inflatable ostrich jockeys, what wit you possess. Impersonators of buxom celebrities in a humorous fashion, such as sporting butt padding as J. Lo, I would consider changing my name to J. Ant for you. I marvel at your imagination and bravery.

For the guys, I really want to see you sporting wigs and stuffed bras. Don’t be a chicken. It will all be worth it in the end. What’s one of the top two things women look for in a man? Sense of humor. I’m sure I read that in Cosmo one time. If you show up as Pamela Anderson with a set of pumps, I guarantee you’ll be getting laughs (with you not at you) and lots of appreciative pats on the back. Where those might lead, who knows?

Finally, I want to share with you my all-time favorite Halloween costume, which I, myself, have not yet donned. Santa Claus! Get it? Because it’s not Christmas; it’s Halloween! Hilarious! You can give out presents in the form of candy.

The brilliance of it all is mind-bottling. You know, like what happens when your thoughts get all trapped up like in a bottle. I’m sure you all agree.