Myths about sexual assault
Why these misconceptions must be combatted
KATIE FOREMAN / ASST. FEATURE EDITOR / THE USD VISTA
Trigger Warning: topics of sexual assault, rape and consent.
As we look back at April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it is important to combat myths that are commonly spread about sexual assault. Sexual assault is a topic that nobody enjoys talking about, but addressing it helps fight misconceptions around survivors.
Sexual assault is sadly more prevalent than many realize; according to Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, a person in America is sexually assaulted every 68 seconds. It is important to note that sexual assault can be anything from unwanted touching and grabbing to rape. The fact that this is such a common occurrence means that there needs to be more conversations and better education around this topic. Survivors of sexual assault are more than just a statistic, they are human beings.
A note for all survivors of sexual assault and rape from a fellow survivor — you are not alone, you are seen, and you are valued. This list is not meant to trigger anyone, but to let people know that their experiences are valid, and the myths they may have heard are untrue.
Myth #1:
“It’s your fault.”
A common misconception about sexual assault is that the blame should fall on the victim, rather than the perpetrator. A multitude of reasons for this misguided blame include: clothing, behavior or if the victim was under the influence of alcohol or drugs. However, none of these reasons ever excuse sexual assault or rape. Saying this often deflects blame from the perpetrator. It is not a victim’s fault what happened to them. This victim-blaming must be stopped — it not only harms the victim, but it makes them question the validity of their experience and reluctant to speak out.
Victims may already have a hard time validating themselves so it is important to listen and validate their stories so they know they are not to blame. It is true that there are cases where people come out with false accusations of sexual assault, but according to Brown University, only 2-10% of sexual assault cases are false allegations. We must acknowledge survivors’ stories, and stand with them.
Myth #2:
“Assault is only done by strangers.”
Sexual assault can happen from someone you are dating, from friends or someone you’re related to. Just because you knew them prior to the assault does not mean that it was not assault. In fact, according to New Hope, the most commonly reported sexual assault is from someone the victim knew already. perpetuating the idea that it isn’t assault if it’s done by someone you know invalidates victims’ experiences — this continues to erase the experiences of victims. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not mean they no longer require your consent. It does not matter how serious the relationship is, consent must always be asked for. Whether dating or married, relationships are meant to respect and protect your boundaries, not violate them. Your experience matters, no matter who hurt you.
Myth #3:
“You were drinking, what did you expect?”
It does not matter how intoxicated you were, you did not ask to be assaulted. Many people assert that if you were drunk or under the influence of drugs, you are responsible for what happened to you. This is false; being under the influence is not an invitation to be assaulted. According to RAINN, “Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious.” You did not ask for this. Do not let anyone tell you differently. By putting the blame onto what the victim was using, this myth takes away from the severity of the crime that was committed by the perpetrator.
Myth #4:
“You were asking for it by the way you were dressed.”
Rape culture asserts that the way someone is dressed is the reason for their assault. This message is disturbing. It doesn’t matter how much or how little you were wearing; your clothing is never a reason for assault to occur. There is an exhibit called “What You Were Wearing” that breaks down the myth about assault and rape happening because of what someone wore. Outfits in this exhibit include: scrubs and an XL sweatshirt, play clothes, a Sunday dress, a t-shirt & pants/shorts and pjs. What you were wearing did not determine what happened to you — this belief allows people to put the blame onto the victim and completely removes any sort of consequences or repercussions for the perpetrator. Rape and assault only occur because of perpetrators, not because of victims.
Myth #5:
“It wasn’t violent, so it wasn’t sexual assault.”
It doesn’t have to be violent or aggressive for it to be sexual assault or rape. People may discount their own experience, if it doesn’t align with how the media portrays assault (which is shown to be violent). Assault occurs in a variety of ways and does not have to be physically or verbally aggressive to be assault.
According to Professor of University of Colorado, Colorado Springs, Heather L. Littleton, “The more someone’s experience with rape differs from their [the media’s] script … the less likely they are to label it as such. In other words, their experience does not match what they think rape looks like; maybe they trusted the assailant, the assault was not violent, they did not resist strongly or the perpetrator was a woman.” Professor Littleton cites research that states 60% of women-identifying victims of sexual assault did not regard their experience as assault, for they believed it was a “miscommunication.” This myth that assault has to be violent to be real must be combatted to stop the erasure of victim’s experiences.
Myth #6:
“You didn’t say ‘No,” so it wasn’t assault”
Just because you didn’t say the words “no” does not mean you said “yes.” According to KMD Law in 2021, often when victims are in the moment of the assault, they face a trauma response of freezing up and this may mean that they were unable to say the exact word “no”. However, this does not mean that the victim consented. Silence is not the same as an affirmative “yes.”
Myth #7:
“You’re being dramatic.”
Many victims of assault are shut down when telling their stories. Some are told that they are being dramatic or making it up. However, so-called “dramatic” responses are actually the body’s reaction to the trauma they face. According to Very Well Mind, about 70% of survivors of assault deal with extreme levels of trauma and around 45% of survivors reported symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). RAINN states that for survivors facing PTSD, their emotions are more intense and may even make them feel like they are in constant danger. Survivors are not “dramatic” for having strong responses, rather they are responding to a traumatic experience.
Myth #8:
“It only happens to women.”
It is true that women get assaulted at higher rates than men, transgender and non-binary people, but that does not invalidate or eliminate the experience of men, transgender people or nonbinary people. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 81% of women vs. 43% of men and 47% of transgender and nonbinary people face some form of sexual assault or harassment in their lifetime. No matter what your gender, you do not deserve what happened to you and your experience is valid.
Myth #9:
“You said yes before you said no.”
You can change your mind at any time when engaging in sexual activities. It doesn’t matter if you started out with an enthusiastic “yes”; if you decide that you no longer want to be in that situation, you have every right to say no and change your mind. Consent is defined by RAINN as “an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated.” RAINN goes on to say, “You can withdraw consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable. One way to do this is to clearly communicate to your partner that you are no longer comfortable with this activity and wish to stop.”
Myth #10:
“You didn’t report it, so it must not have happened.”
Not reporting your experience does not take away from the truth or validity of your situation. According to RAINN, More than two out of three sexual assault and rape cases go unreported by victims, and this can be due to multiple reasons: fear of the perpetrator, fear that the police won’t do anything or take it seriously, the belief that it is a personal matter that the victim can handle themself, and more.
The fear of your story not being taken seriously by the legal system can sadly be true — according to the University of Massachusetts Lowell, less than seven percent of rape and sexual assault cases resulted in convictions over the span of two years. Given this statistic, it is understandable why many survivors do not want to come forward with their stories, but that does not eliminate the validity of their experience.
While this statistic can be discouraging, it doesn’t mean you can’t get justice. It is your choice whether or not you want to report what happened to you. Each victim’s story is theirs to tell and if they choose not to report it, that should be respected.
Being aware of these myths allows us to identify and combat them when they come up. Victim-blaming and rape-culture are sadly so engrained into our society that we push these issues under the rug. It is time to shed light on these serious crimes and the culture around them.
For anyone who is dealing with sexual violence at home, in a relationship, or from your past, you are not alone. Campus resources for anyone facing sexual or relationship violence are available at https://www.sandiego.edu/care/.
You can also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 or visit their website at https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline for more information and resources. To report sexual assault and/or rape to the police, go to https://www.sandiego.gov/police/services/sexual-assault.
To survivors and those who know survivors of assault or rape, offer yourself and those you know support. There are so many resources to get help and it is nothing to be ashamed of. From one survivor to another, you are loved — keep on fighting.