‘They love me, they love me not’

Romance media affects how we view love

ZOE MARIE ZAPANTA / OPINION EDITOR / THE USD VISTA

I love love. If I am reading a book, nine times out of ten it is a romance novel. Picking a movie to watch? I am searching through the romance category. My Spotify playlists or top artists? Mostly love songs. 

Love is one of the most common elements used in media because of its relatability, intriguing nature and emotional attachment to our lives. However, the way that it is used can differ depending on the genre. Romantic dramas will sometimes show love as challenging, but worth the effort. Comedies are more likely to focus on the downfalls of love; some even promote the idea that certain kinds of love are not worthwhile compared to the effort required to find true love.

I think that romance media affects our perception of love, as we move through personal relationships and set the standards we hold for those relationships. A lot of the ideas that romance enjoyers have align with the common messages that the media conveys about love, but I don’t think that sharing that perception is a bad thing.  

What we perceive through the media as romance affects our relationships through how we treat each other, how we define love for ourselves, how we accept others and how we understand others who define love differently from us. But, when it comes to the standards we hold romance media can lead to unrealistic expectations. 

 One of my favorite romance movies of all time is “Notting Hill.” The film tells the story of a world renowned actress, played by Julia Roberts, falling in love with a small town bookshop owner, played by Hugh Grant. This movie is famous for her speech to him, in which she says, “I am also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” I love this movie because of the trope it presents — a celebrity falls in love with a “normal” person — and because of the “meet cute” that takes place. A meet cute is an amusing or charming first encounter between two characters that leads to the development of a romantic relationship between them. When it comes to romance in my own life, I refer back to this movie and others like it, wondering when a celebrity crush of mine will sweep me off my feet, or when I’ll have an encounter with a stranger that leads to a whirlwind romance.  

But it is unrealistic for me to think that way. Romance media has instilled a standard in me that makes me think that I have to find a “perfect match,” or that in order for someone to be my perfect match, they have to look a certain way, have particular personality traits that are possessed by my favorite characters and celebrities, or come into my life a certain way. Sometimes I even prefer living in these fictional depictions of love, since a part of me knows that, because it is unattainable, I can’t get hurt directly. 

Sometimes, too, romance stories will romanticize unhealthy love. They suggest that toxicity is normal and expected, or that your relationship has to be intense, like “Fifty Shades of Grey.” 

Beliefs we hold about love and romance are likely to change our motivations and experiences in romantic relationships. If we are more likely to base love in our lives on what we observe in the media, then we may be more likely to be disappointed in our own, real-life relationships. Sometimes, we may even persevere through the most toxic situations when it comes to love, if we watch movies that cause us to believe that true love can always persist through challenges.  

In an article from The Charge, a research study is featured from Julia Lippman. Her study goes into depth about how young people’s minds are essentially free for the media to mold. 60% of students agreed that people consuming media, especially kids, are impressionable to these standards. People begin to understand that this behavior is normal. Participants in the study provided examples of this such as that if an older person expressing interest in a teenager makes them a passionate forbidden lover, rather than a predator. Or that if an abuser is conventionally attractive and they   tell you they “love you,” that  relationship is worth fighting for,  because they can just be “fixed.” We shouldn’t be urged  to feel  like any relationship of this sort is worthwhile or anything close to romantic. 

But, I stand by my belief that it is not always a bad thing to like the idea of romance. Aside from unrealistic expectations I may have about romantic relationships, I still think that romance media is good because it has taught me things like I deserve healthy love. I can’t expect someone to save me, and I certainly don’t need someone to. But I can and should expect my partner to meet me halfway, to support me when I need them to and to communicate with me about things, so we can continue to grow as people. 

Romance media is good because it can also help people get more comfortable with their sexuality. Leaving room for people to interpret the work in their own way helps people to implement new ideas into their love life, and even learn new things about themselves. An example of this with positive results is the film “Love, Simon.” An article from The Temple features a student testimony of what the film meant to her. The student identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community and describes the story of the film as “refreshing” since  the movie stars a gay character that isn’t depressed, suffering with a disease such as AIDS, or isn’t the comedic sidekick to a straight person. This film is also important since it was one of the first movies from a major production studio that represented the LGBTQ+ community. It opened the door for more stories and more representation in cinema, and it even helped people feel more comfortable coming out of the closet. 

At the end of the day, most people just want to love and be   loved by others. I think that   romance   media    influencing our    perceptions   of   love allows    for a lot  of   reflection on what healthy, happy romance should look like. It spurs  people to   make   exciting or    necessary changes to  their love lives, and  ultimately    allows   them to escape   reality  for a   little   while in     an effort to protect themselves from   things  they are afraid of. I   still love love, and you never know, your meet cute might just be right around the corner.