Why do I have to come out?

‘Coming out of the closet’ is outdated and unnecessary

Jessica Mills / Arts & Culture Editor / The USD Vista

I’ve never felt a desire to define my sexuality. Labels such as bisexual, lesbian, straight, gay, questioning or queer have never felt right. Growing up with parents, friends and other family members that both publicly and privately belong to the LGBTQ+ community, I’ve seen the freedom that occurs upon coming out. But, I’ve seen the pitfalls as well.

Coming out of the closet, also known as “coming out,” is used to describe the self-disclosure process of an LGBTQ+ individual’s sexual orientation to others. For some, this can be a liberating process — a step toward accepting and honoring their identity. But for others, it’s plagued by anxiety, judgment, harassment and even shame.

The heteronormative expectation for an individual to disclose their sexuality is invasive and unnecessary. Rather than occurring as a single grand moment, coming out involves thousands of separate instances that each require bravery and a leap of faith.

Queer individuals often have to come out repeatedly in their home, school, work and community, and their declaration can shape and change how they are viewed. As a result, some individuals face discrimination in the forms of homophobia and unequal treatment. In extreme cases, some are disowned by parental figures, lose financial support and are thrown out of their home — creating permanent damage to their relationships. This should not be the case — queer individuals are just as much the same person they were prior to coming out.

In his book “Gay New York,” historian George Chauncey explained that in the gay community, coming out was originally used only by gay men between 1890 – 1940. The phrase was adopted from the debutante culture, where young women would come out in society to symbolize their eligibility to date and marry young men.

Initially, coming out referred to a gay individual telling another gay individual, or group, of their sexuality and being welcomed into the gay community. After the 1960s, the meaning of this metaphor shifted — implying that someone is hiding a secret and living “in the closet.”

More recently, Gallup reported that, as of 2021, roughly 21% of Generation Z Americans — individuals born between 1997 and 2003 — who have reached adulthood identify as LGBTQ+. This percentage is nearly double that of LGBTQ+ identifying American Millennials — those born between 1981 and 1996.

In previous generations, coming out could be beneficial for one’s health and family relations. After doing so, many queer individuals were able to live their life authentically, develop closer relationships in and out of the LGBTQ+ community, alleviate stress, share their own experiences, among many other benefits.

While this practice may still prove advantageous in some ways, as these numbers continue to increase in younger generations, the outdated practice has become redundant. More and more individuals are accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, and so feeling compelled to repeatedly disclose one’s sexual orientation seems unnecessary, intrusive and burdensome.
I will always support and honor one’s sexual and gender orientation, as well as their decision to self-disclose this information. Many often find acceptance and community through “coming out.”

But, because coming out isn’t deemed necessary for straight individuals, it often furthers the idea that queer individuals fall outside the norm. The solution isn’t to obligate straight individuals to come out as well; it’s to remove this heteronormative practice altogether.

As the semester draws to a close and students return home, I encourage you to have conversations surrounding coming out, regardless of your sexual preference. This may help with discrimination against LGBTQ+ members across various communities.

Making a public announcement doesn’t make you any more a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Your identity should be honored and accepted, regardless.

If you’re in need of help, advice, or someone to talk to regarding your sexual or gender orientation, below are mental health resources.
Human Rights Campaign
The San Diego LGBTQ Community Center
It’s Up to Us Campaign
211 San Diego