Are you listening?

Sexual Assault Awareness Month provides opportunity to spark allies and activists on campus

Lexie Rollings / Op-Ed Contributor / The USD Vista

I remember when my middle school sex education teacher tactfully tried to scare us away from  having  sex  when  he projected high-definition pictures of sexually transmitted infections on the board. Yet, the conversion of consent was breezed over in the same silent classroom. Sophomore year of high school, my health class cringed at the mention of lube, dental dams, and any time our teacher dropped the term “hookup culture.” By the time she brought up consent in the last few minutes of  class,  we  had  already  zoned out. During the  first  18  years  of  my life, I never stopped to question the importance of consent – I assumed consent was  always  present  in  sexual encounters, how could it not be?   After  all,  my  parents  had instilled the concept of consent into my mind since I was a child. In all situations yes means yes and no means no. I didn’t understand the need for formal  consent  education  until  I  experienced the tragic effects of sexual assault second hand. 

Sexual assault isn’t something you think about until it happens to you or someone you love. I remember that night last year, the phone  call,  and  the  helplessness we both  felt  –  the  silence  on  both ends  of  the  call,  only  to  be  fractured by  the  broken  breaths  intertwined with our tears. I remember feeling scared,  confused,  angry,  upset – how could this have happened? 

In the weeks that followed my friend’s assault, I spent much of my time looking inward and questioning  myself:  Were  my  own hookups consensual? Had I been coerced  into  sex  before?  Had other friends  experienced  sexual  assault? Why didn’t we talk about sexual  assault  in  high  school  or  at home? Did I know any perpetrators? Was  I  listening? 

I returned to campus last spring feeling the weight of a broken heart. The frustration I felt inspired a burning desire to get involved in sexual assault awareness – I had to become part of the solution. After meeting with individuals in the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion, I became a relationship and sexual violence peer educator in the fall of 2018. 

This past school year has shocked me and at times left me in tears. I have heard the stories of men and women who have been sexually assaulted at USD. The list of my friends who are victims and survivors continues to grow. I learned the definition of coercion and was finally able to understand I had experienced it once in high school and again in college. However, when I shared these realizations with someone I loved, they asked me: “Why didn’t you just leave the room?” I listened as  people  I  admired  told  rape  jokes in hallways while others brushed off the Kavanaugh allegations as “not  that  bad.”  I  answered  late-night phone calls to assist friends who  believed  their  sorority  sister had  been  slipped  roofies  at  a  party. I have seen rapists walk the same sidewalks as me.

This past year has also brought me new allies and countless moments of hope. I gave multiple presentations  to  students  and sports  teams  concerning  the  topic of  healthy  relationships and consent. With my fellow peer educators, we lead engaging conversations and opened the minds of many. I have  held  hands  with  survivors  and celebrated  every  win  along  their journey. I have been filled with genuine love when over 50 students  signed  up  to  participate in the SAAM 2019 solidarity video campaign.  My  heart  nearly  stopped when over 10 fraternity members signed up to serve on the Sexual Assault Awareness Month planning committee. I am honored that two Phi Kapp members Sam Jones and Chris Brown dedicated over 20 hours to helping me produce the SAAM  2019  solidarity  video.  I  have learned  that  USD’s  campus  is  full of  activists  and  allies  just  waiting to  have  their  spark  activated, giving them  a  reason  to  become  part  of the movement. 

Through the ups and downs, the pitfalls and the triumphs, I have learned that this work is both difficult  and  necessary,  daunting yet  hopeful.  I will  never  stop fighting  to  prevent  sexual  assault and  I   will  always  dedicate  my  soul to  supporting  survivors – I  hope that  one  day  you  find  your  voice to do the same.