Are you listening?
Sexual Assault Awareness Month provides opportunity to spark allies and activists on campus
Lexie Rollings / Op-Ed Contributor / The USD Vista
I remember when my middle school sex education teacher tactfully tried to scare us away from having sex when he projected high-definition pictures of sexually transmitted infections on the board. Yet, the conversion of consent was breezed over in the same silent classroom. Sophomore year of high school, my health class cringed at the mention of lube, dental dams, and any time our teacher dropped the term “hookup culture.” By the time she brought up consent in the last few minutes of class, we had already zoned out. During the first 18 years of my life, I never stopped to question the importance of consent – I assumed consent was always present in sexual encounters, how could it not be? After all, my parents had instilled the concept of consent into my mind since I was a child. In all situations yes means yes and no means no. I didn’t understand the need for formal consent education until I experienced the tragic effects of sexual assault second hand.
Sexual assault isn’t something you think about until it happens to you or someone you love. I remember that night last year, the phone call, and the helplessness we both felt – the silence on both ends of the call, only to be fractured by the broken breaths intertwined with our tears. I remember feeling scared, confused, angry, upset – how could this have happened?
In the weeks that followed my friend’s assault, I spent much of my time looking inward and questioning myself: Were my own hookups consensual? Had I been coerced into sex before? Had other friends experienced sexual assault? Why didn’t we talk about sexual assault in high school or at home? Did I know any perpetrators? Was I listening?
I returned to campus last spring feeling the weight of a broken heart. The frustration I felt inspired a burning desire to get involved in sexual assault awareness – I had to become part of the solution. After meeting with individuals in the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion, I became a relationship and sexual violence peer educator in the fall of 2018.
This past school year has shocked me and at times left me in tears. I have heard the stories of men and women who have been sexually assaulted at USD. The list of my friends who are victims and survivors continues to grow. I learned the definition of coercion and was finally able to understand I had experienced it once in high school and again in college. However, when I shared these realizations with someone I loved, they asked me: “Why didn’t you just leave the room?” I listened as people I admired told rape jokes in hallways while others brushed off the Kavanaugh allegations as “not that bad.” I answered late-night phone calls to assist friends who believed their sorority sister had been slipped roofies at a party. I have seen rapists walk the same sidewalks as me.
This past year has also brought me new allies and countless moments of hope. I gave multiple presentations to students and sports teams concerning the topic of healthy relationships and consent. With my fellow peer educators, we lead engaging conversations and opened the minds of many. I have held hands with survivors and celebrated every win along their journey. I have been filled with genuine love when over 50 students signed up to participate in the SAAM 2019 solidarity video campaign. My heart nearly stopped when over 10 fraternity members signed up to serve on the Sexual Assault Awareness Month planning committee. I am honored that two Phi Kapp members Sam Jones and Chris Brown dedicated over 20 hours to helping me produce the SAAM 2019 solidarity video. I have learned that USD’s campus is full of activists and allies just waiting to have their spark activated, giving them a reason to become part of the movement.
Through the ups and downs, the pitfalls and the triumphs, I have learned that this work is both difficult and necessary, daunting yet hopeful. I will never stop fighting to prevent sexual assault and I will always dedicate my soul to supporting survivors – I hope that one day you find your voice to do the same.