Boys will not simply “be boys”
In addressing issues of sexual assault and harassment, men must step up
Eric Boose / Opinion Editor / The USD Vista
Brett Kavanaugh is a Supreme Court Justice. Brett Kavanaugh is also a beneficiary of a long-standing culture which excuses some of the most deplorable behavior imaginable. In fact, Brett Kavanaugh is a Supreme Court Justice almost entirely thanks to that culture. Whether we like it or not, we have to admit that something made a group of senators decide that someone could be accused of sexual assault and still be fit to sit on the bench of the highest court in the land. Twenty-seven years earlier, that same something helped another group of senators reach the same conclusion. Worse, in 2016, the same disgusting ignorance helped American voters say that someone accused of sexual assault, someone who encouraged sexually assaulting women, and someone who sexualized his own daughter was still fit to serve as the President of the United States.
There is a culture pervading modern society that allows people, especially those in power, to get away with sexual assault and sexual harassment. Call it what you will, but it is a disgraceful reality that we must change. There is no better time to address this culture, the role we play in creating it, and the role we must play in dismantling it than Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
Sexual assault and sexual harassment are serious issues in the United States and around the world, and especially so for people our age. In the United States, one in three women will experience “some form of contact sexual violence” in their lifetime, as will one in six men, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. Fifty-four percent of all sexual assault victims are between the ages of 18 and 34, and two-thirds of all college students experience some form of sexual harassment or sexual assault. In fact, women in college are three times as likely to be victims of sexual assault than women in general. Male college students are five times as likely to be sexually assaulted than men of the same age who are not in college.
This is our reality, and it should concern you. You should also know that this does not happen in, nor does it originate from, a vacuum. There is a culture in the United States that is used every day to justify actions that are simply not justifiable. It is the same culture that moved senators to ignore the allegations of sexual assault brought against Kavanaugh by Christine Blasey Ford and the allegations brought against Justice Clarence Thomas by Anita Hill. It is the same culture that Trump supporters used to clean their conscience despite his “grab them by the p*****” comments. It is a culture that stems from concepts like “locker-room talk,” and the idea that “boys will be boys.” It is a culture that men are responsible for creating, and it is a culture that men ought to be fighting every day to dismantle.
If the phrase “locker-room talk” seems familiar to you, that may be because it was the phrase Donald Trump used to defend his comments about forcibly kissing and groping women. Trump’s logic seems to be that something about the archetypal setting of a locker room, male athletes talking casually amongst themselves, excuses any vile remarks made in that setting. Soon after Trump’s comments were made public in 2016, The New York Times sportswriter Bill Pennington wrote in an editorial that “while I have heard distasteful boasting and crude talk about the attributes of a recent date or a new girlfriend – wives never seem to come up – I’ve never heard anything that could be described as an assault, or any crime. Not even close.” In his editorial, Pennington also noted former NFL tight end Jacob Tamme’s reaction on Twitter.
“I showered after our game but I feel like I need another one after the debate,” Tamme wrote. “The attempt to normalize it as any kind of ‘talk’ is wrong. I refuse to let my son think that this is ‘just how men speak.’”
Tamme highlights the power of locker-room talk as an excuse for the inexcusable. While some of the things said in a locker room may be crude and may be distasteful, the setting in no way makes them any less crude and distasteful. Attempts to normalize “locker-room talk” are spearheaded by men, much as the discussions that inspired the term “locker-room talk” take place overwhelmingly in male locker rooms. In the same vein, attempts to undo the cultural effects of “locker-room talk” and the idea that it is somehow acceptable language must be spearheaded by men. Furthermore, while it may be tempting to think that locker-room talk is the only time that our language excuses sexual assault and sexual harassment, it would also be recklessly naïve. Like Tamme, we should all refuse to let our sons think that men are allowed to speak in any way that makes light of sexual assault or sexual harassment, let along in ways that the president has.
Confronting the excuse of “locker-room talk” and challenging old standards of what is acceptable language is only a first step in changing a culture that fails to confront sexual harassment and sexual assault. A bigger step is changing the way we act. The notion that “boys will be boys” has become so boundless that it is now used to excuse behavior that does not fall under the category of acceptable behavior for anyone. The expression is used to excuse boys and young men for behaving recklessly, irresponsibly, and even blatantly inappropriately. The same logic behind “boys will be boys” reared its ugly head during Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings. Repeatedly, Kavanaugh and those supporting him mentioned that the people at the party were drinking, as if that made it okay for him to make the wrong decision. They characterized Kavanaugh as a reckless high school kid, somehow absolved of all responsibility for his own actions. Neither of those things are anywhere near enough evidence to discredit Christine Blasey Ford, and neither of those things make what Kavanaugh is accused of remotely close to acceptable. Yet, enough senators bought into the logic that Kavanaugh was just acting as any high school boy would in that situation, that he was just a boy being a boy. No high school boy should act how Kavanaugh did, no matter what the circumstances; no man of any age has any right to act in that way.
This is the culture we live in, where the notions of “locker-room talk” and that “boys will be boys” justify language and actions that would otherwise be impossible to justify. It is a culture that men have created, and a culture that shields men against accountability for their actions. No matter how hard women fight to change this culture, men have an obligation to make that change.
For all of the concrete examples – locker-room talk, “boys will be boys,” Trump, Kavanaugh, and countless others – the culture that excuses sexual assault is an abstract issue. It does not have leaders who can be stomped out. It is not a practice that can be declared illegal. It is pervasive, and it reaches multiple parts of our society. There is no easy way to confront this culture that excuses sexual assault and sexual harassment.
We will change this culture only by believing that we can and acting accordingly. Our actions speak louder than our words, and they speak loudest when we believe in what we are doing. As with any cultural shift, this will take leadership from all of us. If we are going to make a change, men will have to step up and take deliberate action. As men, we are in a unique position of privilege, whether we recognize it or not. This culture that we should be working so hard to dismantle has benefitted men for as long as it has existed. It has sheltered us from the consequences of words and actions, some of which we may not have even realized were causing harm.
If we are going to change our culture, we will have to work hard. We cannot tolerate “locker-room talk,” in the locker room or not. We have to teach not only our sons, but our brothers and our fathers that boys will not just “be boys.” There is a standard that must be set. It is up to us to set and enforce that standard. We will have to call out language that makes light of or, God forbid, encourages sexual assault and sexual harassment. We must believe and unequivocally support survivors of sexual assault and harassment. If we confront the current culture, which allows the atrocity of sexual assault to continue in this country, we can change it and we may just solve one of the greatest problems of our time.