The closet doesn’t define you
Although coming out of the closet is a significant event for many who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, it shouldn’t be what defines their sexuality or gender identity
Jenny Han / Asst. Opinion Editor / The USD Vista
December 27, 2020: This is the day that I officially came out to my parents and, subsequently, the rest of the world as bisexual. I originally wasn’t planning on coming out until I turned 21 and permanently moved out of my house so that I didn’t have to deal with the backlash that I knew would follow. But in the days leading up to the new year, the thought of having to start the 2020s hiding away a fundamental part of my identity terrified me. So in a fit of rage during a heated argument on that fateful December night, I flung open the closet doors.
Several months have passed since I’ve officially entered the greater outdoors as my “true self.” And I don’t regret the way that I came out or the fact that I came out in the first place. However, the biggest lesson that I’ve learned is that this hallmark event isn’t all that important.
The metaphor of “coming out of the closet” derives itself from the idiom “skeleton in the closet.” A “skeleton” refers to a negative secret that one wants to hide from others. Due to the stigmatization that came — and still comes — with not being straight or cis-gendered, one’s LGBTQ+ identity would be seen as a “skeleton.” And since people are generally assumed to be heterosexual and cisgender, someone would have to explicitly disclose otherwise to the people around them. To many LGBTQ+ members, coming out is a way of celebrating their sexuality or gender identity and reclaiming what was formerly a negative identity marker into a more positive one.
I’m not here to diminish the significance of coming out; it is undeniably an act of immense courage. However, the emphasis on coming out implies that your sexual or gender identity is defined by how many people know about it which is simply not the case. You are part of the LGBTQ+ community when you realize that you’re attracted to someone of the same gender. You are part of the LGBTQ+ community when you realize that you aren’t attracted to anyone at all. You are part of the LGBTQ+ community when you realize that your gender doesn’t quite align with your sex. This list goes on and on but the bottom line is that being a part of the LGBTQ+ community has nothing to do with changing your label for the convenience of those around you. Rather, it has everything to do with your journey of discovering yourself.
Sexuality and gender expression are huge spectrums and where you decide to place yourself on said spectrums are completely up to you. And the way that you show your labels (if you even want to) is also up to you. All in all, being a part of the LGBTQ+ community has to do with finding communities where you can flourish. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community is all about letting these new experiences into your life. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community is about finding yourself.
The views expressed in the editorial and op-ed sections are not necessarily those of The USD Vista staff, the University of San Diego, or its student body.