The story behind the pictures
Valentine’s Day serves as a great reminder that what we see on surface level isn’t what is necessarily true
Jenny Han/Asst. Opinion Editor
Although Valentine’s Day has passed, traces of the holiday remain. Instagram feeds are flooded with pictures of significant others or friends, often with the hashtags #relationshipgoals or #galentines, with stylish outfits and joyful expressions. Countless TikToks depict beautiful outings with Instagrammable foods and an ungodly amount of PDA. I admit that I’m also guilty of partaking in those activities with my partner.
However, I acknowledge the loneliness that these kinds of posts bring to those who feel alone or unsupported by their partners, family, and friends. COVID-19 doesn’t make it any easier; if anything, it amplifies the loneliness that one may feel during this month of love. The bitterness that you may feel is completely valid, but you must not let what you see determine your happiness and self-worth.
I think I speak for most of us when I say that our social media profile is purposefully deceptive. For instance, despite having romance, I’m a lonely person and I struggle immensely with friendships. I was jealous when I was liking pictures of my classmates having the apparent times of their lives with their squads and besties. The train of thought that goes from “Why can’t this be me” to “There must be something wrong with me” from looking at these kinds of posts is all too familiar to me. However, that’s not a struggle you would know about me by looking at my carefully curated Instagram profile. Both you and I have to apply that kind of thinking to everyone else posting on social media. They might be struggling with their love life, struggling academically, or even struggling with drama within that same group of friends they took selfies with. The reality is that we don’t know and we will never know until they explicitly express it.
Social media glamorizes these relationships so much to the point that our inherent focus has shifted from creating meaningful relationships to obtaining the most aesthetic versions of them possible. These partners and friends then shift from being people to accessories of success and happiness. We want to be with those who will coordinate outfits with us, try new trends with us, and engage in social events with us for us to post about it later. And although these are hopefully not the fundamentals for most relationships, it certainly plays a huge role in a lot of them.
This glamorization ultimately makes us obsessive with the idea of having those kinds of relationships. I’m sure you’ve heard some variation of the phrases “I would be so much happier if only I had a significant other” or “I wouldn’t feel so lonely if only I could be a part of a squad.” We then begin to base our self-worth and our happiness on our ability to obtain these relationships. But the reality is that these romantic or platonic relationships mean nothing if you are fundamentally unhappy with yourself. Any relationship can certainly help, but it will never fix the negative feelings that manifest inside you. If left unchecked, it will go as far as to poison those relationships that you’ve made and they consequently fall apart, leaving you feeling lonelier than before.
Additionally, many people are so obsessed with gaining these friendships that once they do obtain them, they have no idea how to maintain them. A relationship is a living, organic being, just like the people who make up that bond. A relationship or squad of any kind will never survive purely on Starbucks runs or fancy dinner dates. If we spent just as much time actively trying to deepen our understanding of the other person as we did picking which pictures, filters, and captions to use, we would probably feel much happier and fulfilled. To be clear, this article is not a rant against social media; I think that there is a special kind of bond that we make with each other based on those apps. However, we can’t let those platforms ultimately shape the course of the relationship and the kinds of relationships that we end up seeking in the first place.
A partner, best friend, or squad is just one aspect of our lives. It’s just one part of the bigger picture of who we are. At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is just one day out of 365 so how and who you spent it with doesn’t matter. What does matter is the one kind of love that we rarely talk about: self-love. That is what we need to find within ourselves before and during any relationship. And that’s something we can work on no matter what day of the year it is.
The views expressed in the editorial and op-ed sections are not necessarily those of The USD Vista staff, the University of San Diego, or its student body.