Why I’m excited about the 2008 Olympics in China

Lee Jordan

March Madness is a great event. There is nothing better than watching USD dominate UConn like we are the better seed. But it got me thinking about the next big sports event. This summer the 2008 Olympics are being held in China. I don’t know about you, but I love watching the Olympics and pulling for USA to dominate every event. This is the only time it is socially acceptable for a football player to be a women’s gymnastics fan. There are many sports that may go unnoticed, but a gold medal is a gold medal for Team USA. That is why slalom canoe is just as important as judo. Here is a rundown of the newest sports added to the Olympics that may be the difference in America having the most medals:

Arm Wrestling

There are two individual tournaments of 65 guys and 65 girls (there is a play-in game for the 64th spot; I don’t know, I think it’s stupid also). Make sure you get your bracket in to your office pool before the summer starts; you may want to see if Facebook has the application. Sidd Finch of USA, who is rumored to throw a 168 mph fastball, is a number one player along with Kofi Annan of Ghana, Tony Blair of the UK and Ronaldinho of Brazil.

Thumb War

Every game starts with a “One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war” chant while the thumbs go side to side in a taunting manner. The thumb must be held down for three seconds, which is counted out by the referee. The French team has the soft hands and the finesse of this sport to their advantage while team Samoa is a team led by their power players. USA doesn’t stand a chance.

Hide n’ Seek

This year every player comes equipped with cameras so the audience can follow their every move. There are three rounds of 10 players hiding and three players seeking. The top three hiders from each round and the top three seekers overall will be put in a medal match. The three seekers who tags the most players get the gold, silver and bronze, respectively. The last three hiders to get tagged get gold, silver and bronze, in reverse order. The team to watch out for is the Afghanistan hiding team led by captain Osama bin Laden or OBL as fans call him. This may be the year the United States seeks out OBL and gets gold.

Rock, Paper, Scissors

Statistics, probability and reading your opponent are keys to winning this event. With the best two out of three format there is a lot of strategy to take into account. Although rock still remains the symbol thrown first most often, paper is what has won the last two grand slam tournaments. This sport is one of the leading reasons for the recent concern about the air pollution in China. The semifinals and finals are always a treat to watch because they each average 26 and 34 ties per match respectively.

Heads Up Seven Up

A key game on rainy days when I was young, I am glad the Olympic committee decided to include this sport in the games. The U.S. team is looking hot and on fire. Half the team is from the state of Washington; all of the rain in Washington seems to breed professional heads up seven up players. The sport has been gaining more sponsors every year, making it the second highest grossing professional sport behind poker. This has led to more team timeouts and commercials for Restless Leg Syndrome.

Hot Dog Eating

The contestant who can eat the most hot dogs and buns within 12 minutes is the winner. The great part of this competition is the strategy that goes into it. Should I eat the bun or the hot dog first? I’m more of a bun first kind of guy, personally. Another point of strategy is using water to lubricate the buns so they go down easy. What a great game. In the hot dog eating world this sport is a, “two horse race,” if you will. Joey Chestnut is the perennial underdog representing the United States, while Takeru Kobayashi of Japan has dominated the hot dog eating world for years. An important side note, Joey Chestnut won this event last Fourth of July with Kobayashi having a New England Patriot, 18-1, collapse of colossal proportion. Let freedom ring.